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By Joel Vernier
I looked at the clock; it was 1 p.m., and I determined I had time for a quick afternoon nap. My family is coming over for a BBQ later; summer cooking outdoors is in full swing! I will need my strength to cook on the grill; after all, I will have to stand for an extended period and keep my eyes focused on cooking the meat to perfection. The whole-house fan is on, the shades are drawn, my eyelids are getting heavy, my breathing is slowing, my body temperature is rising, and my nap is engaging.
Next, I feel as if I’m flying through the fog, and then I notice the fog clearing ahead: This can only mean “Time Travel!” I may have traveled through a “Portal” or a “Looking Glass.” Still sitting in my “Comfy Chair,” I approached the clearing; I saw my old-time traveling friends “Ogg and Id.” They had just killed an antelope and had built a fire to keep themselves warm on this chilly day in the grassy savanna of Africa.
As they quickly fell asleep from a very hard day hunting, I noticed that “Ogg” rolled over and accidentally kicked half of the antelope into the fire. I watched them sleep for about 30 minutes, and then they woke up. They were startled to see half of the antelope in the fire. “Id” realized what “Ogg” had done and began grunting and kicking dirt on “Ogg” to show his displeasure.
Afterward, they began to eat the antelope. They started with the raw part of the meat and then begrudgingly took a bite of the part cooked over the fire; the look on their faces was priceless; they truly loved it and began grunting at a higher pitch. Next, after they had quickly swallowed and bitten off more cooked meat, they placed the rest on the fire to cook. This must have been the world’s first BBQ! Should time be determined by B.C. / A.D. or BBQ /ABQ?
Thus began the hallowed and sacred rite of mankind to burn meat on an open fire or, as it is called today, BBQ!
I felt an intense forward movement in my “Comfy Chair” and quickly traveled to today, waking up with a renewed sense of my destiny: to put meat on the grill! I carefully turned the burner controls to start and lit the propane burners; the fire whooshed forth, and I almost singed my eyebrows.
After it warmed up, I scraped off the remnants of BBQ’s past and placed 6 pieces of meat on the grill. The sizzle was an awesome sound, like the opening of a choreographed ballet, signaling a feast was soon to come. The steaks began to burn over the hot artificial coals; the sweet smell of juicy steaks sizzling on the fire filled the air.
I felt manly, and my testosterone was flowing; I took a long swallow of my low-calorie beverage and let out a belch that “Ogg” & “Id” would have been proud of. I closed my eyes to savor the moment, and my wife came up behind me and said: “Don’t burn the steaks, caveman!”
How could she have known? Oh well, there went my ego and my fantasy of being the great hunter cooking his meat on the grassy savannah. “Ok, I’ll try not to burn them,” I replied. Ogg and Id would have been proud of me for carrying on their tradition of cooking meat over an open fire or on a gas grill, in this case. And then I thought to myself for just a moment, “Burn baby, burn!” just enough to seal in the juices. And after our feast of steaks, potato salad, baked beans, and watermelon, and our company left, it was time for a well-deserved nap.
“Remember, every day is a gift! Some are just a little more fun to open than others.
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