Football Blame
Three fans were talking about the sad state of their local club.
The first fan said, “I blame the manager; if we could sign better players, we’d be a great club.”
The second fan said, “I blame the players; if they made more effort, I’m sure we would score more goals.”
The third fan said, “I blame my parents; if I had been born in a different town, I’d be supporting a decent team.”
Q. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
A. “Give me my quarterback!”
Writer
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define “great” he replied, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
SNOWMAN QUIPS
Q. Where does a snowman keep his money?
A. In a snow bank.
Q. What’s a good winter tip?
A. Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
Q. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A. A puddle!
Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Frosted Flakes.
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
A. Frostbite.
