Today is starting out great! I enjoyed my breakfast of smoked salmon and a bagel and braved the intensity of another Michigan winter storm. As I took the garbage out to the garbage cans in the garage, I convinced my three dogs to go outside to do their business. Of course, they made me watch. What’s up with that anyway? I gave them their treat. Yes, they get a treat for doing a normal body function when it’s a freezing blizzard outside.
Today as the saying goes, “Is not fit for “Man Nor Beast!” Now it’s my time! I am so glad all I have to do today is relax! This retired gig has its benefits. I pulled two throw blankets around me to quiet the deafening screaming of the wind whistling through the crack in the door wall. I settled into my “Comfy Chair!” Before I completed my settling activity, body shifting, leg adjusting, etc., I heard my wife yell out from the kitchen, “ Joel, remember you have to go to the store and buy some salad and dessert for company tonight!” “Company tonight?” I yelled, “Who will come over in this weather? Nobody!”
I settled back in to “Jumpstart” my nap, feeling very good about closing this situation. She responded, “ Joel, It’s the neighbors; they will just walk over.” “Alright, I’ll go shopping!” As I selected my wardrobe for this excursion, I chose my heavy winter boots, my heavy winter coat, winter hat, neck gator, and gloves. I installed a pair of toe warmers and hand warmers to keep me comfortable.
I let my all-wheel drive with snow tires idle till it was warmed up. I drove down the road, careful to stay in the ruts made by some other fool, uh, motorist. I never exceeded 25 miles an hour. I use a driving technique in this kind of weather: I keep my wheels straight until I slow down almost to a stop, and then I make a turn. That keeps me from going off the road. I pulled into the snowy parking lot of the grocery store and pretended to know where the lines were for parking. I struggled to open the door against the intense force of the north winds.
As I began my Arctic trek through the parking lot, I watched an empty shopping cart pushed by the wind travel across the lot and smash into a car that was peacefully parked. It was real Michigan Winter nasty out. I traversed the lot, entered the store, bought what I needed, then tried to follow my footprints to my vehicle. The footprints were mostly covered up by the blowing snow. I opened my eyes, which were stinging and weeping from the windchill. Then I jumped in my car, secured the door, and drove slowly crawling home, this time at 10-15 mph due to the blizzard’s white-out conditions. I made it home with the groceries. Michigan winter shopping is not for the faint of heart! Time for my well-earned nap!
“Remember, every day is a gift! Some are just a little more fun to open than others. – Joel
Author of: “The Guinea Pig In The Freezer”. joelmvernier@aol.com
