Driving Test
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and asked his Dad if he could start using the family car.
The Dad said he’d make a deal with his son, “You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut. Then we’ll talk about the car”
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he’d settle for the offer and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks, the Dad said, “Son, you’ve brought your grades up and I’ve observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I’m disappointed you haven’t had your hair cut.”
The boy said, “You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there’s even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.”
His Dad replied, “Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?”
Speedy Tips
Police Officer Bryant found a perfect hiding place for watching for speeding motorists. One day, the officer was amazed when everyone was under the speed limit, so Bryant investigated and found the problem. 10-year-old Dennis was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said, “Radar Trap Ahead.” A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy’s accomplice, another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading “Tips” and a bucket at his feet, full of change.
- What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
- It gets toad away.
- I submitted 10 puns to a joke-writing competition to see if any of them made the finals.
- Sadly, no pun in ten did.
- I took part in the suntanning Olympics…
- …but I only got bronze.
- Why do I drink coffee?
- It always me to do stupid things faster and with more energy.
- You know what they say about a clean desk.
- It’s a sure sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
- Why did she quit her job at the helium factory?
- She refused to be talked to in that voice.
The Right Man For The Job
Fred Gibbs was in his early 60’s, retired and had started a second career in catering.
However, he just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 2, 3, 5 minutes late. But he was a good worker and clever, so the owner was in a quandary about how to deal with it.
Finally, one day he called Steve into the office for a talk. Fred, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a top-class job, but you’re being late so often is quite a worry.”
“Yes, I realize that sir, and I am working on it,” Fred said.
“I’m pleased to hear that, you are a team player,” Steve said. “It’s odd though, you’re coming in late. I know you’re retired from the Royal Navy. What did they say if you came in late there?’ ‘
“They said, “Good morning, Admiral.”
Want to hear a construction joke? Oh, never mind, I’m still working on that one.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
I hate Russian dolls… they’re so full of themselves!
Talk is cheap? Have you ever talked to a lawyer?
Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw!
Why did the gym close down? It just didn’t work out!
A plateau is the highest form of flattery.
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.You can only get spoiled milk from a pampered cow.
