Single digit snow blowing!

View from the Comfy Chair

Joel Vernier

I love having a “Hearty” breakfast on a cold single digit morning! Nothing warms me up better than eggs, sausage, toast and buttermilk hot cakes with real maple syrup. (Hoping this will not find its way to my family practice physician.) The combination of sugar, meat, grease and carbohydrates turns on my metabolism better that a five-mile run. (If I can remember a five-mile run from a few years ago.)

The warmth starts in my midsection, and then moves up to my chest, face and forehead. Satiation generates a strong instinct to take a nap!

As I headed for my “Comfy Chair” my wife yelled out; “Joel, no time for a nap! It snowed out last night and you need to blow the snow!”

I responded; “It’s six degrees out, I’ll wait till it warms up!”

I turned on the Big Screen TV; the weather was on showing the temperature will continue to drop all day! I called out; “I’m on it!”

As I bundled up for this cold weather, I must have looked like “Nanook of the North”.

I wore the furry looking hat that covers the ears and neck, furry looking gloves, oversize coat, thick socks, and wool scarf! I was ready, all bundled up as I approached the door; nature told me to go to the bathroom. I took off the layers of warmth and answered Mother Nature. After getting dressed again, I could hardly open the door.

I stepped outside and felt my lungs seize up with the first breath of frigid air. My glasses immediately fogged up and I could barely see out of them. I rubbed them on my scarf, and the world became visible again! I glanced over to the side of the house where the hot water boiler exhausts. It looked like an old steam locomotive chugging along the railroad in an old western movie. I looked at the windows and they had more frosting on them that a whole box of Kellogg’s “Frosted Flakes.” It was cold!

There was not a lot of snow on the ground, maybe two inches; but if you drive over it, it compresses the snow down and it seems you cannot get it off the driveway until spring. It also is very slippery to walk on.

I hate to go out to retrieve the mail some days – when I slip and fall, I don’t bounce up as fast as when I was younger. Several of my friends have broken something on a fall like that and ended up in Rehab for weeks.

I popped the battery in my cordless snow blower and began to clean off the driveway. My fingers became so cold; I thought they might break off! Why is it that when you are blowing snow, the wind changes directions and blows it right back into your face? My eyebrows looked like Charleston Hesston’s when he played Moses in “The Ten Commandments.” I felt like a Popsicle that had been left in the freezer too long. I think I have freezer burn! I quickly did the steps and porch, put the snow blower in the garage and emerged into the house. I had so much snow on me I must have looked like a polar bear.

My reward? Hot chocolate and oatmeal raisin cookies. Once the hot chocolate was down in my tummy, I felt the warmth emanate outward through my body like big red thermometer. I quickly defrosted, consumed the cookies and settled in for my well deserved, much needed nap before lunch. I could smell the chili warming up in the Crockpot! Rage on single digits, I’m ready for you!

 

“Remember, every day is a gift! Some are just a little more fun to open than others. – Joel

Author of: “The Guinea Pig In The Freezer” joelmvernier@aol.com

© Joel M. Vernier December 10, ‘17

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