English abominations 2017

Joel Vernier

I was settling into my “Comfy Chair” getting ready to take another well deserved nap, the ambiance was set, drapes drawn, heat turned up, comfy throw blanky wrapped around me and the Big Screen TV on with volume turned down low, perfect!

As I began to drift off into blissful sleep, once again a statement on television brought me back to alertness with one of my pet peeves, “English Abominations!” Misused & Overused English Words And Phrases!

My blood pressure began to rise. My body heated up and I was once again awake. There are several words and phrases that cause immediate discomfort: “Process”, “It affects me on so many levels,” and “Hydrated” among others. I will address these three.

On this particular morning, two reporters were discussing some inappropriate behavior of a colleague and they both took turns stating that they had to “Process the situation and information.” Process? Ok, when I think of the word process or processing, I think of a food processor.

Does that mean that they are putting all of their ideas together and chopping them up? When they say that they are processing, it makes it sound like they are an “Artificial Intelligence” life form working out a problem with millions of calculations per millisecond.

A process can also be defined as a method or complex plans to build something. The dictionary states it is a series of mechanical or chemical operations in order to change or preserve it; to operate on (computer data); or to deal with an official established procedure.

I know in the past that there were careers in “Data Processing” and ‘Word Processing.” People need to reflect on, to think about, to adjust emotionally on an issue. That just sounds more human to me.

Next I just get infuriated and confused when people make the statement: “This affects me on “SO MANY LEVELS!” To me unless you are suffering from a multiple personality disorder, there is only “ONE LEVEL!”

Yes I understand all about the conscious and unconscious levels, autonomic and sympathetic nervous system, but in my mind even though we live in a three dimensional world, there is only on level that we live and think on. There are levels of REM sleep (Thank goodness), multilevel parking lots and high-rise buildings, but we exist in the “Here & Now!”

Next up; “Hydrate” It is very confusing when Dr’s and nutritionist say in the heat of the summer or during the heights of the flu season; “People need to hydrate!”

Ok, if you stand in the shower, sit in a bathtub or a lake you are getting hydrated right? It just sounds so technical! The dictionary definition of ‘hydration’ is: “the process of causing something to absorb water” A brick sitting in a puddle will absorb water.

Please just tell people to drink more water! Everyone understands that. If you tell people to hydrate with fluids, there is a lot of room for interpretation. Fluids can be most anything liquid, soda pop, adult beverage, coffee, energy drinks, etc that may not be as beneficial as water.

I guess I have to understand this communication conundrum, as it affects me on so many levels! I need time to process every ones position, I think it will take some processing time so that every level that I’m effected on will homogenize. I also need to hydrate myself, to be able to let the process flow on that many levels.

Ok, really I need a nap in my “Comfy Chair!”

 

“Remember, every day is a gift! Some are just a little more fun to open than others. – Joel

Author of: “The Guinea Pig In the Freezer”. joelmvernier@aol.com

© Joel M. Vernier December 5, 17

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